Valentine’s Day Tip: How Do You Find True Love?

Posted by on February 11, 2014 in True Self | 19 comments

true loveValentine’s Day is right around the corner. Many people remain single, some of us settle for less, and a few “lucky” folks thrive in good relationships. What makes the difference? In my experience, true love comes knocking at your door when you stop looking for it outside of yourself, and focus on accepting yourself for who you are—warts and all—instead.

Do you remember Gina from our “Embrace Your Inner Weirdo” blog? She was the frustrated receptionist who collected stuffed animals and watched “Beauty and the Beast” over and over again. Her boyfriend forced her to give all of her toys and dolls away. Gina ditched him while taking my workshop because she started to like herself the way she was.

true loveWhat Gina did took a lot of courage. I mean, she couldn’t even speak up during the first six weeks we met. She was scared to admit that she felt like a “freak.” She’s not alone. Many people who take my workshops—when they are being honest with themselves—don’t think they fit in so well, either. They don’t like their jobs as much as everyone else seems to. Or they’re not as happy with their marriages as they thought they would be. Or they’re not sure what to do with themselves now that they’re retired, even though they were looking forward to it for so many years. They feel odd or “off” somehow, like something is wrong with them. But that’s how the calling to be your true self begins, remember?

true loveThe more Gina embraced her “inner weirdo,” the happier she became, and the more friends she made in class. She became a regular chatter box. She eventually left her boring job to become a kindergarten teacher. A few months later I ran into Gina at a local church. We waved madly at each other from across the hall. I noticed a young man holding her hand and did a double-take. It was Joe, another student from our class! Apparently he had witnessed Gina’s transformation and liked what he saw. They’d been going out ever since. 

This once shy little girl had grown up into a vibrant woman. Not only had she found a career that fit her true passion, but she found a new boyfriend who appreciated her for who she was. They are now married.

true loveTo find true love, zero in on your true self. When you affirm the parts of yourself you’re unsure of, like-minded people begin to show up in your life. Gina’s first move towards authenticity was to enroll in my creativity workshop. What can you do to be more genuine and self-accepting? Maybe you could sign up for an improv class, or take up drawing, or join a hiking group. Following your heart increases your chances of meeting people with similar interests. When you reveal rather than conceal who you really are, you give true love the opportunity to find you.

Couple beach shot by Shmuel Thaler.


  1. Nice! And very true. The first step to finding true love is to love yourself. And that’s exactly what Gina did, wholly and fully.

  2. Yes, I find her story inspiring, which is why I wrote about her, of course!

  3. Great message and I’ve seen it in other people I knew.

    • Me too. Self-acceptance is the key to happiness and contentment in general. To be able to share that with another is icing on the cake.

  4. Good post. I learned something new.

  5. Hey there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

  6. This is truly a great post, keep up the good work.

  7. Thanks all. I’m glad it speaks to you!

  8. What a wonderful Valentines to everyone, Michelle! ….A blog to remind us to love and nurture oneself. Love to you!

    • Thank you Linda! Love to you too!

  9. I made a desk calendar this year putting saying to pictures. For February I wrote: “Do something extra nice for someone you love… yourself. “ That is one of the hardest things to do sometime, but maybe not so hard the more you let yourself in.

  10. What a beautiful idea, thanks so much for sharing it Teri. Louise Hay suggests saying, “I love and approve of myself” repeatedly to oneself throughout the day. I tried it, and nothing happened. Then I did it more often… and stepped it up even more. I became kinder and more compassionate with myself. And then one day I realized I loved myself. Finally. Many of us have to recondition ourselves to treat ourselves better. It is so worth the effort.

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